Being Present and Breaking Patterns

How do you be fully present now? I was thinking about this last night and it really took a lot for me to understand. I had been reading about it for months and months and months. And listening to CD’s and trying to understand what they say about not beating the drum of our past for we are sure to repeat it. I mean I understand that but I think I’ve finally been given the insight into seeing where I go goof up on doing that and how I can go about changing the pattern.

That’s what this is about, breaking our patterns. A pattern is something that we just keep on repeating and the cycle is never ending and it just keeps on going in exactly the same way with never any different type of outcome. How amazingly clear that has become to me today. I know what my patterns are and now it’s time to conquer them. We as humans keep perpetuating our patterns and dragging them forward with us from the past. That is where they should die. The past is the past and you can’t change it and we shouldn’t dwell on it. I more importantly should not dwell on it.

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Are You An Eeyore Or A Tigger

This months issue of Real Simple had an article about 10 ways to be more happy and at the end of the article the author states that a lot of people think you are born either an Eeyore or a Tigger and there is no changing that. I would say yes and no. I do think that a lot of people are either or. But I believe that we have the power to make a decision to change it if we so choose. This can go either way. Think about it. You may have been a very happy go lucky person when you were younger but as life has had it’s way with you, you have become less happy. You have chosen to focus on all of the hurt, struggle, and stress of life. You may not actively choose this way of thinking but over time it does become you.
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Release from my emotions of grief and loss

I’ve decided that today will be my last day to grieve about this relationship. This will be my last post about it because I feel that I’m at a point where I’m done with this. I’ve cried my last tear days ago and I can see there are little things that are annoying me but the more I get it all out the better I feel and the less I’m holding onto inside of me. I am doing my absolute best to stay out of judgement and out of ego about this whole thing. I do see it is a little difficult for me and some judgement creeped into my last few posts. LOL Hey, as I said I’m still learning. It’s a process and being judgement free does not happen over night. I can see that something drudged up a real old source of irritation from the past and it’s non-productive. It started out as an observation and ended up in a judgement.

The more I allow myself to stay in ego about this whole thing the more I sit there and think about how much of a stranger he is to me, how much all the circumstances around the ending annoy me, you know all of the wrong things. So today I’m telling myself to stop thinking about him anymore and from now on forward momentum towards better things in my life. My gratitude journal keeps me grounded and I have been faithly logging in that journal every night before bed. Morning coach podcasts have been inspirational and motivating and helping me get back on track of where I need to be. I’ve noticed in the last few days I have been eating more than what I have been usually eating lately. I know why I’m doing it and I can see myself reverting back to old patterns of coping with stress and abandonment. It is most important to remain self aware and not do things unconsciously. We can only save ourselves and can only improve our own lives so that is what each one of us should hold in highest priority.

I know that all of the inner work I have done on myself and that I am continuing to do will bring me a fulfilling relationship with another person when the time is right and that is the best I can hope for. For right now though the fulfilling relationship I have to have is with myself. So yea, today is the day that I am kissing this last relationship and all of the previous ones who came before it who were filled with disappointment… GOODBYE!

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