Day 65 Lack of Inspiration

I have lost my inspiration for quite a while now. It’s been weeks since I’ve felt like I could move anything in my life. My work has had me so consumed with putting time in and work, work, work, that I’ve been neglecting everything else for the sake of it. I have to figure out a way to get back on track with this. This hasn’t exactly been an environment to foster creativity lately. I have not really had to the time to do any practices to raise my feelings to higher ones although, I’m not feeling bad just really really stagnant and frustrated.  So it’s going to be my job to become unstuck and happy again so that I can start bringing it all too me once again. Sometimes you sit there and think that deliberate creation is easy but learning how to harness your feelings and thoughts consistently takes a lot of work and practice. I just hope that I’m going to be able to do it for the long term.

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You Can Heal Your Life Conference

Oct. 4th was the You Can Heal Your life conference down in NYC and my friend Vikki and I attended. It really was a great day filled with a lot of information to really get my mind ticking and flowing. I came home with a lot of books and a lot of things that I want to research and learn about. I bought another of Gregg Braden’s books Fractal Time and have been listening to that on iTunes. I also got my hands on a copy of Lost Symbol which was very entertaining to read. I just devoured that book cover to cover.

But I have to tell you, I’ve been feeling very disconnected. I haven’t been in that magical place where things come to me. It’s not to say that I’m feeling down or anything, I guess I’m just in limbo and in a very frustrated place.  There has been a lot of focus on work. In fact that is all there has been focus on.  It doesn’t have to be this hard to earn a good living and this woman who owns the company that I work for just keeps drumming it into everyone’s head that you have to work really really hard for the money.  I found myself not enjoying my time so much and depriving myself of sleep so that I can be on all hours of the day to take calls. It got to be insane.

Part of me did it because I had to earn a lot of money to take care of something that happened with my banking account and a bunch of other unforeseen bills that came my way this month. But I’m at the end of this working hard bullshit. I haven’t had time for any of my practices. I haven’t had time and more importantly the energy to meditate and it’s driving me bananas. I feel like I’m slipping back. I’m taking my Sunday’s back for my day off. No more working through my days off either. I need that time for me. Time away from the phone and time to not think about work and put that back into my practices and connecting with that feeling I am trying to achieve.  I need to be in that place of happiness where I’m able to see things unfold.