100 Day Challenge – Day 70 – Season 1

The other morning when I was in bed, I was just laying there going through some thoughts. My gratitude journal was on my night stand and I thought that I should go through it and see what I have accomplished since I started writing in it. Since there had been such significant change in my life in the last few weeks, I needed to take a look. Plus also seeing how I had forgotten what my intentions were when I started it was eye opening to see what I had said was coming to be. I use the journal for gratitude and affirmations as well as my intentions. Everything I feel like intending I write in there.
Part I

Part II

So much validation

In regards to the videos that I posted here this morning, I need to give a little more information about what happened during this phone call. There was quite a lot that I didn’t go into in the videos listed below. I really wanted to share this experience because I have never experienced someone give me a description of someone who passed over from my life.

So how she was describing my father was… “A man with a lumpy face, almost like a boxer. I’m picking up that he is a really big man 6′ tall, 280lbs and very big hands, and I get the feeling he is a Black Russian because he does not look fair skinned. Yet I see lighter hair, like dirty blond or something. Curly on the top, and more short on the sides. The feeling that he is very domineering and in control, almost military like.” Then of course went on to describe my mother’s bedroom set, something that she purchased after his death. It’s not something he would have seen in life either because he was not in our lives.

NOW… it gets more trippy. The lumpy face like a boxer. My mother used to always say that the movie “Raging Bull” was my father to a T. A man in a jealous, paranoid, abusive rage over his wife. And that Robert DeNiro looked EXACTLY like what my father looked like. So it always creeped her out. When I went looking for Raging bull pics online tonight I came across the one promo for the movie and his face is all beaten up from a scene in the movie.

My father did have curly hair that he kept short in the style she described and also had a full head of gray hair which he dyed on a regular basis and now come to think of it, he may have had lighter hair when he was a boy, I can’t really say for sure. He was Russian and Mediterranean. But he was not a very tall man, I think at the most he may have only been 5′8″ if that.

Getting more trippy… the relevance to height… my friend who I have talked about in great length here is 6′3″ 280lbs(give or take) and black. In comparison he is a huge man compared to me as I am only 5′2″ and have tiny hands, his being double the size of mine. Personality very domineering, controlling, ex-military. I always called him “Daddy”. Plus as of late, he had been displaying characteristics of my father that as I said in my videos, really put me off. Frankly, if my description of him on my site pisses him off, that’s too bad. It’s relevant to my explanation of things. Unless he is reading or sending people who he knows to read my site there really should be no impact what so ever, but he always got uptight about being associated with me. It’s not like people from the net who know who I am could possibly link me and him together especially considering he runs incognito online. Makes me wonder who reads my websites and runs and reports back to him though… I certainly wouldn’t be surprised.

To sum it all up… all of the identifiers were all signs that she was indeed describing my father. I think in some synchronous way things I observed going on between the two of us are uncanny. How I said I felt like I was a little girl trying to win the approval of her cold, disapproving father. There is a big message here for me to learn. A big thing for me to heal and maybe move on? Or perhaps just move into a better understanding of things, who knows but it’s all about to unfold.

Some crazy experiences

In the last 12 hrs I had a very weird experience. I’m putting it here because of the relevance of things. I don’t want anyone to think I’m weird or weak minded or stupid for believing in what I believe or for seeking out what I seek. I realize that LOTS of people pass judgment on people for stuff they find stupid or ridiculous and well this could be a topic that can invoke those types of thoughts. Lots of the things that have been going on have culminated to this. Just watch it with an open mind about what it is I’m talking about and I think you will understand where I am coming from.

Part I

Part II

Part III

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