My Spiritual Goals for Me and You
These days I am diligently trying to learn as fast as I can but not to the point where I cannot absorb what I am taking in. For several years now I have been an avid manifester and fan of some of the foremost spiritual speakers out today. Some of them would advise that people just go about their lives and not to focus on the day to day activities of the world that make us uncomfortable. To not give attention to it. I do agree to some respect, we owe it to ourselves to turn off all of the outside chatter and we have to arm ourselves with tools for learning so that we do not take in bad information. I have been on my spiritual journey for over four years now. I love the law of attraction and many of the teachers who show us how to do it. One thing that I have always noticed is that manifesting has always seemed a lot like witchcraft to me. Having owned books by Raymond Buckland and having dabbled in candle magic when I was younger, I understood the power of intention. I also knew that the Law of Attraction was just the tip of the iceberg and in fact it is a component of something greater, it has it’s roots in Hermetic Tradition. I would honestly say that the lid was blown off of my head once I read the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, although a fictional tale, it is an allegory. Harry Potter is an allegory of current times, as are many other books/movies. They all contain the same Hero’s Journey at the core of them. And they all reflect the zeitgeist of the day.
I want to say though at some point after all of my current studying with law of attraction and affirmations and healing my life, I reached an apex. I felt that this could not be all there is to my spiritual journey. I felt I was not manifesting anything of major significance and I sort of experienced a feeling of ennui. I’d say since losing my mother in 2010 something changed for me drastically. This past year has been one of such profound illumination that it is impossible to ignore. My eyes have been wrenched wide open for me and I have been forced to really look at what my life has been trying to show me. The most important thing I want to achieve is to help people. I want to do more than just give someone a tarot reading because they are worried about whether or not they are going to find their soulmate. I want to show them why they have been having such a hard time with life in general and why they suffer. I want to wake up every individual who crosses my path and show them what we need to do to have a better life.
I want them to understand that we haven’t been educated, we have been indoctrinated. The majority of us have no idea how to think for ourselves and I want them to know that there is a way to change it and a way to learn it. When people come to me, I want to start to ignite that tiny spark in them that knows there is more to this life. We cannot afford to be frogs in boiling water any longer. We need to learn as much as we can so that we don’t get lost in the mix. 
Transcending A Legacy Of Stupidity
Today as I was on my way to visit with my kitties, I was in deep thought in the car. I’ve been doing a lot of absorbing this past week and was looking at how it has affected my whole life. Looking back at the grandparents who had a huge impact in my development, I know without a shadow of a doubt something that I have thought about them for a long, long, time; has been that they are absolutely fucking stupid. My grandmother was more so than my grandfather and I am only biologically related to her. Even still, I grew up at the mercy of a stupid Kansas farm girl and my bigoted “Archie Bunker” type of grandfather. My mother was far more intelligent than them however, still could not transcend what she was born into. My mother worked so hard and struggled and in the end had really nothing of her own per se.
Generations of stupid people keeping their offspring down unintentionally. too unaware of their own stupidity. I can’t help but really examine the impact that it has had in my life and what choices I have made based on what I was given in my life. I have been driven towards entrepreneurship for the last ten years and am still painfully aware that I’m going around on the hamster wheel. But I understand something that my previous generations did not. Luckily my mother and father were smarter than their parents. My father was determined to have an intelligent little girl and he did the best he knew how to stimulate that in me. My mother did her best to make sure that I was exposed to various arts and activities such as figure skating, dance (which I bloomed in as a child) music, drawing, calligraphy, and pottery. I was also taught cooking, baking and candy making, giving me a well rounded exposure to various creative outlets.
The things I loved to do as a kid were sing along with Cyndi Lauper and Madonna, Olivia Newton John into a recorder and dance. I also loved to read and to this day I am still an avid reader. Even though they were not doing this as a team, they both understood something and they did their best to stimulate me and give me the opportunities. At age ten I was given a computer but I had no idea what to do with it. I was that first generation to experience a lot of these newer technologies. And yet, there was so much that I didn’t know. My parents did the best they could within their means and I think I owe it to them and myself to truly understand the world in which I live.
The problem is that as I was growing up, I blew it. I was more interested in what was going on with my social life and wanting to fit in and wanting to go out and be an independent person who partied and drank and didn’t listen to my mother. Also the fact being that I had no academic interest in the things we were taught in school. By the time the opportunity for college rolled around, I wanted nothing more to do with school. But now as I am turning 38 in less than two months, my eyes have literally been opened. How little did I realize that using category tags such as “free thinking” would be so apt for this blog going forward.
Life Is Flowing Downstream
April showers brings May’s flowers. April was a month of challenges for me. It was the month of my mother’s birthday and the anniversary of her passing. My brother dropped a bomb on me in March telling me he was moving April 30th, I had to find a new foster home for my cats. I had to figure out how I was going to make it through the month without really losing my mind. Some how I managed though. I found a very nice woman on craigslist who is taking care of them for me. She had been advertising pet sitting services and everything seemed to just work out. The girls seemed to have settled in pretty nicely. I went to visit them on Tuesday and silly little Chloe actually came out when I called her, my sweet girl
. She had said that it had taken Chloe about two days to consider coming out from under the bed to get acquainted. I know that little brat better than that, I’m sure at night she was investigating everything. My little babies have been through so much this past year.
I did a lot of praying to a couple Saints in April. St. Jude being one and the other St Francis of Assisi. I never used to believe in praying to saints. I never really believed in my Catholicism. A few years ago my friend told me about St Jude and I took to praying to him in a time of need and he delivered to me. Actually at the time I had written about it on this blog but I’ve since deleted all of those posts(don’t ask me why). In any event, I would say after the first night of talking to St. Jude, my first round of prayers and requests to him, business has seemed to pick up. It’s been this way for about three weeks now and it’s still going. I believe in the power of intention and in putting that intention out in the Universe. So if it means that talking to a Saint that I believe in is going to help me believe that my requests will come true, then so be it. So much has been opened up for me these days.
Then of course there is St. Francis. I prayed for safe keeping for my cats and prayed that I would find a good temporary home for them. I had a lot of anxiety for a few days about putting my cats into someone else’s hands for the time being but after praying and letting the intention go, things just fell into place. I believe this has been a month of a lot of growth for me, spiritually. I believe that I had a setback months ago when I came face to face with superstitious and fundemental websites preaching about NWO. It was a new concept for me, one that made me very afraid because it was saying the spiriyotuality I believed was evil, and I think sort of being “unplugged” so abruptly was more than I could handle. But it has been a quest that I could not stop thinking about. Wanting to know what the hell they were talking about and wanting to understand more of what I had already learned on my own reading and watching many of the spiritual teachers that I have loved for 5 years.
Last month was also a month of me discovering Paulo Coelho. How did I not find this author sooner? I fell in love with The Alchemist, The Valkyries, and now The Pilgrimage. It made me fall that much more in love with my audible.com account 
. I am now listening to an audio book on Kabbalah and have joined various social networks for talk about the Mystery Schools. You know what? It all just feels right.
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