There is Never an Excuse for Ignorance

I turned thirty-eight last week. Wow, I’ve made it this far in my life and I can say that I honestly, there is so much that I didn’t know. There is so much that I still don’t know. The difference between the me now and the me say, ten years ago is that I believe I was content knowing what I knew and felt that was enough for me.  I couldn’t have been more wrong about anything in my life. Now having said that, I truly do believe that I will never in my life pay for a higher education when I can learn it all on my own.  I have always felt that college is a waste of money and I stand by that conviction to this day. I am giving myself an education though, there is no question about it.  The one thing that I cannot stop myself from doing is learning all the truth in the world that there is to know.

I can remember since I was young that I always said I never saw myself slaving away in an office working for anyone. I can remember that statement as if I said it yesterday. So it was a bit strange for me to find myself for most of my twenties working in various office environments getting screamed at and yelled at by mediocre middle management and irate customers. I believe I knew that about myself and I was correct. The only thing then was that I didn’t know what I would be suited to do.  It still took me at least 18 years to figure this out.  About nine years ago I embarked on a new journey for me to earn my living. I have been a phone sex operator, a webcam performer, and a pornographer.  For me it presented a form of freedom that I never had working for someone else.  At this point in my life I have no desire to work in the sex industry anymore, it has definitely presented a whole bunch of conflicts for me in my personal life that I realize I have outgrown. Yes, I understand that this might be tough for some people to swallow, however I did this on my own terms and I never did anything that was outside of my own comfort level. It is what it is and it was something I did and cannot take it back.  Once I can sustain my living through other means then I will be letting all of the adult work go because I know that morally it is wrong and I as I continue to make my living in this way, I am in conflict with myself. Unfortunately I didn’t give myself any other way out and now until I can solidify a foundation for myself I am forced to keep doing it. Ces’t La Vie!

This is not to say that reading has not been my salvation, because it has. This desire to always learn more is always there for me. Something instilled in me the strong desire to read since I was a young child in elementary school. I don’t know if it was because of R.I.F. days or my mother encouraging me to read but it’s the one thing that I have always seen the value of doing.  The stuff I read these days is more educational than I ever thought I would lay my hands on.  Because of this strong desire it allows me to learn more and become less ignorant.  When I say this, I say it in the most humble manner because I know that without a shadow of a doubt that there is so much that I need to learn.  I am aware of my ignorance but I am working diligently to remedy this.  What saddens me is people’s unwillingness to do this for themselves. Their hardwired ingrained hardheadedness to assume that what they believe is right and that’s all they need to know because the stuff they believe makes them feel right. And that’s all that matters in the world for them. That is a very scary way of thinking.  It is called solipsism and no matter how hard to try, you cannot reason with a mind like this. The only shot you have is when they finally wake up and decide that there is more to learn.

Until that time, you will find yourself like me, often being met with opposition and hostility if you dare to correct someone’s thinking or show them an accurate point of view. I know so many people like this in my day to day life and it’s sad.  I was like this for a while thinking that I knew everything that I had to know, but something woke something up in me. Perhaps I always had this resistance in me or perhaps it was a friend of mine telling me about a book that would change my mind and my life forever. I can never be too sure what exactly it was that set me on this path. All I know is that I’m on it and I cannot step off of it. You find that once you are set in motion there is no turning back. Once you take the red pill, you cannot go backwards there is only forwards in order to see your way through it.  I will say this though, I would not have it any other way now that I am starting to see what we are all meant to see.