Lately I don’t know what it is but I have been very critical of myself. What I focus on the most is my body. I have recently lost 60lbs however I feel more self-conscious than I have ever felt in my entire life and I do not feel attractive to anyone.  This has caused me to really think about what it is that might be causing this.

There is no telling if it is the result of the loss of my mom, or if it is moving back to N.Y. and realizing that there are no better prospects for me at the moment than there was back in N.H., or what exactly the deal is. Ultimately what I think the problem is is this… I look at dating prospects on BBW dating sites every day and I see how limited the choices of men are. I see how badly they dress, how little effort they put into their appearances and I cannot help but come to the conclusion that they do this because they feel we as big women are not deserving of any effort on their parts.

The harsh reality of it is this, The “Omega Male and The Women Who Hate Them“. I am by no means rich, but I am constantly driven to find new ways to bring work to myself and keep things moving and constantly learning. I have ambition to achieve financial success and freedom. I choose to dress myself nicely and groom myself and what do I get? Shit heads, that’s what I get.  So I’ve decided to do something that is within my power, that is to change me. Change my attitude, change my outlook, and change my body and then I will be able to meet better quality of men. That’s all there is to it.